Unfiltered Weddings

 
 Till Debt Do Us Part: Alyssa's Unfiltered Thoughts on Weddings

Weddings. The dreamy, glittery, wildly expensive events that turn “I do” into “I’m stressed.”

Don’t get me wrong—I love love. I cry at proposals, I swoon at first dances, and I will absolutely judge a wedding cake by its frosting-to-filling ratio. Truth be told, I have NEVER— and I mean never—been to a wedding where I didn’t cry.

A friend of mine is having a wedding soon, and being the amazing friend that I am (or maybe just really not wanting to cry and ruin my makeup), I agreed to help her with some of the typical wedding stuff. You know the stuff like the kids' tables, telling people their seating arrangements, lighting candles and sparklers, serving food, the guest book—all that good stuff.

Honestly, it reminds me of the show Somebody’s Gotta Do It. And that, my friends, is how this blog post was born.

But let’s be real: weddings these days are half love story, half chaos circus with a flower arch. And as always, I’ve got thoughts. Let me preface this by saying something I feel should be shared. I am 110 percent not having a wedding if I get a choice. I will calmly go to the courthouse and pay the small fee and be on my way. I HATE ATTENTION and weddings cause a lot of attention to be on the bride....so yeah I'm good. This probably has shaped my opinion but I will try to be unbiased.

Before I rant—I mean, calmly give my opinion—let me just say this: I am so excited for this blog! Not sure yet if I’ll be posting daily or weekly, but I guess we’ll figure it out as we go.

And hey, if I offend you, I truly apologize. Feel free to hate on me in the comments or via email. Because, as we all know, that makes you the bigger person!

Now, shall we?

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 The Good—Things I Actually Like

 They’re beautiful. Weddings allow two people to come together as one in front of their friends and loved ones. Okay, now that I’m saying it out loud, it does kinda sound like a cult…

 #Memories. Your wedding will probably be one of the most memorable days of your life—for better or worse. The cameras will be rolling, so… smile, I guess?

Real love moments. When it’s genuine, it hits. I’m talking vows that don’t sound like they were copy-pasted from a Hallmark card.

Good music, no DJ drama. If you can get Grandma, your high school friends, and a toddler dancing to the same song? That’s art.

 Speeches… Sometimes they’re great. Other times, they’re cringe. (Like, please tell me more about how the Maid of Honor met her high school boyfriend… 🙄)

 I come for the food. If you feed me well, I will overlook many things—including awkward speeches and uncomfortable shoes.

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The Bad—Where It All Goes Off the Rails

 The bouquet toss. Nothing screams “please stand in a circle while I embarrass all my single friends” quite like this outdated tradition. Have you ever almost killed Grandma because you really wanted that bouquet? Yeah, same.

Matching bridesmaid dresses. Especially in colors like "sage" or "dusty rose"—which sound like emotions, not outfits. I love coordination, but I’ve seen too many brides turn into bridezillas because a dress was lilac instead of lavender.

Just announce the dress code. There is nothing—and I mean nothing—more awkward than showing up in the same color as the bridesmaids. Just put it on the invitation. Spare us the cringe.

Photo shoots over feelings. It’s a wedding, not a Vogue spread. Chill. Ever notice how people are so obsessed with getting the perfect picture that they literally miss the moment? Its your wedding day, enjoy it!

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🔥 Hot Takes You Didn’t Ask For (But I’m Giving Anyway)

 Big weddings aren’t for everyone. A courthouse, a backyard, or a mountaintop—do what makes you happy.

Elopements? Elite. Minimal drama, maximum love. (And as long as the couple is legally old enough, I’m here for it.)

 Let your brain develop first. Stone me if you must, but maybe wait until after your frontal lobe fully develops before tying the knot. Unless, of course, you plan on living with your parents until your brain finishes fusing together.

 Unplugged ceremonies are fine—just don’t yell at me in a sign. I just wanted to take a cute pic.

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 Can We All Agree…

 Dress codes with no direction. “Dressy casual semi-formal with a rustic twist” means what, exactly?

The rogue +1. Who is this man, why is he here, and why is he talking during the vows?!

 Seating chart sabotage. Please don’t put me next to your ex’s cousin’s ex. I don’t care how many people canceled.

 Flaky RSVPers. If you ghost a wedding you RSVP’d to, you owe the couple $87 and a slice of cake.

 Exes at weddings. …Do I really need to explain why?

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Once Upon A Time… (AKA A Wedding Mishap Story)

At an event where everything is supposed to be perfect, something is bound to go wrong.

Take my cousin’s wedding, for example. She didn’t announce her wedding colors ahead of time, so guess what? About 15 guests accidentally showed up in the same shade as the bridesmaids.

She was also a little late (only by about 30 minutes, but whatever), and the seating got so messed up that we had to swap sides right before the reception because the bride’s family accidentally sat on the groom’s side.

But the real chaos? The dress malfunction.

During the vows—in the middle of her big moment—her dress started falling. Yes, falling. As in, her bra was about to make its grand debut.

The worse part? She didn’t notice. The groom might have noticed but chose to stay silent. The photographers? Oh, they noticed. They just kept snapping pics.

Finally, the Maid of Honor casually walked up, tucked the dress into the bra (as if this was totally normal), and walked back like nothing happened.

To this day, I don’t think my cousin knows what happened. She asked, but nobody answered.

…Unless she saw the photos. 😬

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 The Real Talk

Weddings should be about joy—not stress, not perfection, not impressing your college roommate’s fiancé. Whether you're going big, small, or running off to Vegas, here’s my unfiltered advice:

✔ Make it feel like you. Not your mom, not your sister, not Princess Kate. YOU.

✔ Don’t go broke over chairs. For real. You have your entire future to go into debt with this person—don’t do it all on Day 1.

✔ Let people dance, eat, and celebrate love. And you do it, too.

(And please, feed your guests. Hungry guests are petty guests.)

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Final Thought

If you’re planning a wedding right now—deep breaths. You got this.

But also… don’t make me wear satin and learn a TikTok dance. I will rebel.

As always I have lots more opinions but I'll save them for another day. 'Til next time,
— Alyssa 🦩

P.S. Got a topic you want my unfiltered take on? Drop a comment or email me at AlyssaUnfiltered@outlook.com. (Sorry, but I’ve seen too many true crime documentaries to share my phone number.)

P.S.S. I would love if you would follow!!! You can find it on my homepage here: homepage https://alyssaunfiltered.blogspot.com/. Just click the little blue button if you have a g-mail account, I would be really thankful if you did!