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Duolingo Unfiltered

 Duolingo: The App That Makes You Fluent in Guilt Trips

(For your viewing pleasure, I have included a link to a PowerPoint I made for a college class last semester where I definitely glazed the heck out of this sociopathic bird...enjoy....)

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    Ah Duolingo. The language-learning app that promises to make you bilingual but somehow makes you fluent in anxiety. If you've ever wanted to be publicly shamed by a green cartoon bird while trying to figure out if you're pronouncing a word correctly because you can't find your earbuds and are too embarrassed to listen to Oscar repeating the same Yiddish word over and over again, this is the blog post for you. 

    It starts innocently, as all addictions/cult initiations do. You download it thinking you'll pick up some Spanish so you can understand what the workers at El Dorado are saying in the direction of your table. Fast forward about three weeks, and you are lying in bed at 11:58 PM, frantically tapping "The boy eats bread" just to keep the streak (and yourself) alive. It's no longer about learning and diversity. Its survival.

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The Good

  • Duolingo is technically free, which is perfect for people like me whose "hobby budget" is a jar of couch change. It offers dozens of languages from popular ones like Spanish or French to more uncommon ones like Welsh, Hawaiian, and even Klingon...Because who doesn't want to be ready for a casual chat with a fictional alien???
  • The app is fun and convinces you that you are somehow being productive while lying in bed eating chips. It's like Candy Crush, but instead of candies, you're matching words such as "bread" and "brot". And that lovely ding sound... chef's kiss *mwah*.
  • The gamification works as well. You log in for a simple, quick lesson, and then the next thing you know, you are defending and fighting to keep your streak as if your life depends on it.
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The Bad
  • Two words: The Owl
Duo, the green-feathered dictator of language learning, is basically a passive-aggressive life coach with anger and wrath in his eyes. Miss a day and the notifications go from cheerful to mafia-style real quick. "It would be a shame if you lost your streak......" Sir, are you threatening me? 
And yes, it's "free," but you'll sit through so many ads for Grammarly and meal kits that you'll start dreaming about them in multiple languages. 
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Hot Takes
  • Duolingo is not about learning a language; it's about protecting your streak like your life depends on it. 
  • Some of the phrases they teach are straight-up fever dreams. "The horse is drinking beer" in German is now a permanent part of my vocabulary.
  • The leaderboards are basically The Hunger Games: Language Edition. I'm sweating it out in 12th place while "Linda, 57" from Iowa is casually logging 9 hours a day on Spanish verbs. 
  • The heart system is ruthless. Accidentally say "bread" instead of "cheese"? Heart gone. You're one mistake from Duolingo purgatory.
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Scariest Notifications

Duolingo's notifications aren't gentle reminders- they're threats wrapped in bright colors. Some of my personal favorites:
  • "You've worked so hard...don't throw it all away now." Oh, I'm sorry, is this a divorce hearing?
  • "It would be a shame if you lost your streak..." That's blackmail with extra steps. 
  • "We're worried about you." No, Duo. You're tracking me.
  • "Duo is sad." Translation: Your imaginary owl dad is disappointed in you.
The worst one?  The morning after, I forgot my lesson on day 134: "You let Duo down."
Thats it. No emoji, no "hope you're okay." Just straight up guilt trip. Ive been ghosted with zero empathy. And of course, I opened the app immediately- because apparently, I'm more afraid of a cartoon bird than most living people. 
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Closing Thoughts
    
    Duolingo in itself is a great tool and app to use as a HELPER to learn the basics of a language. However, you can not solely rely on the evil owl to tell you how to order your sushi. With the advancing growth and development in AI, it is important that we knows the difference between a tool and a crutch, and in Duo's case, a stone-cold stalker who has a language kink. OOPS...that could have been too far. 
Oh well, I said what I said...IN ENGLISH NOT FRENCH! 

   Till next time, Alyssa Unfiltered

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