Relationships: Cringe, Cute, and Chronically Confusing
Where your love language meets eye rolls: Relationships that need a filter.
Before I start, I have an announcement: one of the next blogs will be a reader-guided one. That means it will be all about what I receive from people I have heard from in some way and received permission to share. So, if you have a killer "romance" story you want to share with changed names and an anonymous tag. A relationship hot take your dying to share or a question you'd love to ask. And yes, as well as being funny, I would love some serious as well. You can comment anonymously, email me, or text me if you're one of the few who have that "honor". It will remain anonymous unless you wish for it to be shared with the world. I'm taking anything you can think of! Thanks guys!!! Alyssa Unfiltered is also available on Medium if you prefer your blogs on there!
Love is patient, love is kind—and also weirdly obsessed with
matching hoodies, and calling each other "baby" in public.
If you've ever looked at a couple and thought, "There's no
way they're that happy," congratulations: you're not bitter; you're just
realistic. Relationships are not all couples' selfies and "we finish each
other's sentences." Sometimes, they're just… finishing each other's fries
and arguing about whether or not he should buy more tools or you should buy
more shoes.
Let's break it down: the swoon-worthy, the red-flaggy, the
"why do I keep texting them back" of it all. We're talking about real
relationships. The ones that aren't curated for the internet. The ones that
involve love, laughter, trauma bonding, and occasional mutual social anxiety. Before I get into it and make you all think I am the Grinch of Valentine's Day, let me clarify this. I was in a relationship that was so cringeworthy that I
felt uncomfortable. It wasn't him, and it wasn't me. It was us. So no, I'm not an expert at relationships; in fact, I tend to screw up all the ones I've ever been in. That said I am good at identifying cringe…because I was.
One last thing I would like to clarify is that I am in no way trying to insult anyone. I am a firm believer in everyone having their own opinion, and I found a way to share mine, as I hope all of you do as well. Which is why it doesn't upset me when people disagree with me, my opinion, or my blog posts. We are all individuals and I think you should do whatever makes you happy!
Now here we go....
The Good – Things I Actually Like
Yes, like I said, I do have a heart under all this sarcasm.
Believe it or not, there are parts of relationships that can be cute and
not make me gag.
Knowing each other's weird habits and loving them anyway. Like how they always burn toast or have many alarms to wake up. Adorable… and concerning.
Inside jokes. The kind that makes no sense to anyone else but sends you into a full-blown hysteric fit. My favorites are those that aren't even jokes but a voice or a singular word. Who knew the word "Bagel" in an Australian accent could make me laugh till I cry.
The Bad – Here's
Where It Goes Off the Rails
Now, let's talk about the things that belong in the trash.
The obsession with public validation. If your love needs to be reposted every five minutes or it doesn't count, it's not love. It is your way of acting because you never would make it in Hollywood.
Toxic positivity. Not every relationship fight must end with "We're stronger because of this." Sometimes, you're just mad because they forgot your anniversary or got you a pen for Valentine's Day...
"Jealousy = love" mindset. No. Jealousy = insecurity dressed in glitter. Let's not romanticize tracking your partner's location like it's a love language. Or telling them who they can and can't talk to… that's not love it is manipulation. RUN.
The 'fixer-upper'' fantasy. You are not a therapist. You are not a life coach. If you're dating someone for their potential, you're dating a project…not a person. That is not fair for either one of you...and tbh if your trying to fix them then maybe you don't actually love them, but who they could be. Can we say toxic?
PDA overload. Holding hands = cute. Quick peck = sweet. Full-body cuddles in the middle of a food court? That is a no. Love is great, but save the soul-staring and making out for…anywhere but here.
Relationship ultimatums are just threats wrapped in hugs and milkshakes.
Dating apps are just digital thrift stores for socially anxious people.
"Love at first sight" is just being desperate with confidence.
"We finish each other's sentence" is a cute utility except for during an argument.
Wearing matching shirts is either peak adorable or dangerously close to cult behavior. There is no in-between.
PDA should come with a 10-foot social distance rule.
Talking stages that last longer than an extended vacation? Call it what it is: indecision with flirting.
Can We All Agree…
·
If you have to Google "Does he like me or is
he just bored"…you already know the answer.
If a movie has a touchy couple in the audience, it should be rated R regardless of the actual movie.
No one actually likes kissing in the rain. You get cold and soaked, and you taste mascara. It's gross.
The Real Talk –Here's the Truth
Everyone's out here trying to be "relationship goals" but the real goal should be being emotionally stable and communicative. And not making your partner have to try to guess how you feel. Or decoding your passive-aggressive mood swings like their tryna find their location in geoguesser. You don't have to be perfect. But if you are dating someone, here is a wild idea: Be kind. Be honest. Be yourself. Mess and all.
And please, for the love of all things emotionally mature,
stop expecting your partner to read your mind. They're not psychic. They're
just trying to figure out why you're mad about something that happened in 3rd
grade.
Final Thought
At the end of the day, love isn't about being perfect; it's about being real. And if you're currently single and watching videos of cute couples while tempted to call your ex, just know you're not alone. Cringe, cute, confusing—relationships are all of it. And that's okay.
'Til next time,
— Alyssa🦩
P.S. Got a relationship story, rant, or red flag
moment you need to share? Spill it below or email me at alyssaunfiltered@outlook.com bonus
points for chaotic screenshots and unhinged DMs.
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